my flower girl...

mean what you say, say what you mean...

You must be kidding me?! That's my initial reaction when Dj (a friend of mine) told me about an eloquent spiel from my lost soulmate. I wouldn't have dare to believe him that the "flower girl" is still up following my trail. I had to laugh for all that she had comically said. I don't need to be brutal since she doesn't matter to me. She can say whatever she want to say and it was just like...yeah, a passing gas. I know the real story and in my heart i know that I'm just fighting for what i believed is right and proper...nothing wrong with that. I can sleep well and for sure anger is not in my heart at all so it can be seen on how i write my journey.

Things happened for a lot of reasons and you try to learn from every mishap and mistakes you make, that's part of life. Pick up the pieces and move on. I never looked back but obviously she did. Sometimes its our guilt that's making us look back, wondering what would have been if we made the right move? What the other person is thinking? A criminal would always go back to the site of his crime, is he not? Its the same conscience that makes us react negatively because we know they could be right about you. CONSCIENCE keeps more people awake than coffee, and not just some iced tea.

You're still free to say what you want to say and i won't even flinch. I would have to be in drugs if i ever talk to you again so, DREAM ON! good luck to you and uhmmm... i'd rather pray and read the Bible to bring myself peace and seek forgiveness for the word said and unsaid, so you can do those researching for me dear. :P I've said all that i need to say and now its time to heal. I've occupied too many space in this site for a person and things that belongs from a fairy tale land...i'm awakened!

Thanks for dropping by fella! It's a COMPLIMENT.

words...

more than just writing

Respect begets respect and excuses are just for the weak. we should all take responsibility to all our actions and words. Words are not just meant to be spoken and written eloquently but to honor them as well. What’s a man with articulation if without a word of honor? We can’t just drop them and go then pretend we didn’t said anything. You can fool a millions of your readers but to fool yourself is absurd.

Lucky are those who can see beyond other people’s feelings not just because they’re family, friends and colleagues but merely because they are human. Fortunate are those who can read yet clearly see what the other person is conveying and blessed are those who can accept their weaknesses and shortcomings regardless of their social stature. We all expect our children to be responsible even at the age of 7, so how much more for a 30 year old?

But i don’t have time to distinguish between the unfortunate and the INCOMPETENT…just be RESPONSIBLE!

awful wind...

simple pleasure

I often write for my own pleasure about the things that fascinates me. My mom said i'm very conscientious and i always took that as a compliment. Writing is my therapy from all the hurts and PAIN, from the disappointments down to my frustrations, to my JOY and success--my pen has been a constant companion. I always find a sense of satisfaction freeing my thoughts away as i scribble the emotions through my journals. Reading them back gives me a feeling of fulfillment of overcoming one obstacle after another.

I was and am content...that way.

Until i started to explore and spread my wings a little wider than i ought to be. Fancy the cool breeze only to be taken by an awful wind. That wind brought me to a different heights and promised me a tempting glory. Lost with my own parade i glide a different course...

I now stand between believing and betrayal, of trust and of love, of friendship and of foe, of simplicity and complex for the things that happened and didn't happened. I concluded, i can always soar high in my own pace and with my own ways. With my pen always hidden... from the awful wind's eye.

learn to be still...

I am but a flower in the wild
certainly know how to be alone.
I am a child of silence
and solace is my brother.

'till i wander around the desert
got lost in my own labyrinth.
sore my veins with its infusion
and made way to disillusion.

broken promises and failed relationships,
loving too much and trusting too soon.
all these fragmented my benchmark
for euphoria.

i'd close my eyes and dare not move
till the wind bring me back to silence.
i'd stay there and find my home
as i learn how... to be still .

last resort...

tower of strength

" Is praying like magic, mommy? " my eldest son asked me. I was a bit stunned i don't know if its because of the question or more of the answer. Some of us often look at prayer like some kind of a magic indeed, right? We tell God what we want and how we want it, when we want it and why we want it hoping He will do just exactly as He have been told through our prayers. Then we received it and when our prayers are granted we sometimes forget how to say "thank you". I myself is guilty of that.

Many of us pray as if God were a big aspirin pill, we come only when we are hurt. Prayer is not some sort of magic as well no matter how magical it seems to be. Major truth is most of us pray and remember to pray only when we are wounded, sad, in pain, in the dark, lost and in other negative feelings. Although the bible says it is good for in praying and talking to God will give us the peace that only Him can provide, it also helps that we remember Him, His goodness and love even when the sun is shining so bright for us.

I personally view praying as a way of conversing or really talking to God. Not just saying a memorized verse or prayers just so they were called "prayer". Praying is the time when I shed all my inhibitions away and lock my pretensions somewhere else. Bare and naked I open myself up and let every thoughts flow out of me. Let Him know what and how i feel regardless if its positive or not. God knows all our needs, our pains and our sufferings. But just like any other parent or confidant, He feels good when we approached Him and trust Him all our burdens. When we allow Him to be the Captain to run our ship rather than let God see how we run it and how we ruined it on our own. Then when our ship is about to sink-- that's when we call God for help or SOS.

Let us take time out to be silent so we can hear our hearts and our minds. Prayer also includes thanksgiving and praises not just asking for things to happen on our time like magic. Because what God wants for us is even better than any magical dreams we ever had. Prayer is not merely an occasional impulse to which we respond when we are in trouble; prayer is a life attitude so let's not make it our...LAST RESORT.