Monday, May 31, 2010

Leaving Tracks



” Are you ready for me to leave ? ” the child asked while on his death bed. It was a resounding NO from the mother, ” I’m not ready yet and I will NEVER be ready for you to leave.”



Those were the last conversation my late cousinbear had with Tita, the rest were nothing but crying out for pain, fighting back for LIFE because he knows he can’t leave yet…not till she’s ready. But will we ever be ready for something so final as goodbye ? No matter how you look at it, how you draw the scene, no amount of preparation will make us say goodbye the easy way. There’s always this tug in your core that feels a certain pain no matter what kind of heart you’re made of.

Its almost the same kind of feeling whenever I go to the airport to send off my husband to another land. It’s a constant effort to convince me that I need to drag my kids with us making my suffering twice the amount. I don’t want them to have the idea of separation from him no matter how short 1 or 2 years is. The last hug, the take care, the i love you, then the final walk you painfully watch because you know it will take awhile to see him walk back again from that glass panel doors. I never get used to it, every year is just like the first time he went away to work abroad. The pain of saying goodbye is always there…year after year.

At work I tried to be unattached to anyone in particular. Loner is just a good word to substitute ” Autistic ” I guess. It takes a good amount of faith and trust to make me feel relax to that person. When they leave, you wonder the very reason you’d decided to put down your defenses, putting yourself an easy target. When Bossman said he’s leaving for a career growth, there comes that old feeling. Of leaving, of goodbyes…the pain, hurt, anxiety just differ in levels but its still there.

I realize that leaving though may be a hard part for almost all of us, its still manageable. Because those people have been part of our lives, played different roles in our story, have made an impact on who and where we are now. Then no amount of separation, whether temporary or permanent could ever erase the tracks they left behind in our lives. They all made their marks distinct from the rest. Its there to remind us and a lane for us to visit when we feel too far away from them.

To my cousinbear JanJan, to my Hon, my Bossman and to those who will come and go, here’s to a safe trip… and a meaningful journey.


Echoes of the Heart



“The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests; just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones…but in the echoes of our hearts…”


Everyone will agree on me if i say that long distance relationship is one if not the hardest kind of relationship to maintain. Most lovers often just let it go to stop the pain and complications the distance is causing them. Giving up on someone who’s thousand miles away may not be that hard as it is from someone who’ just around, regardless of how much we love the person. Maybe because we are too focus on the physicality of the relationship that we do not pay importance on the love itself? Or we can also be too tired to give love a fight ? It is indeed admiring to know that other people are willing to ache, fight and work out on their relationship no matter how far they are from each other.

Dwelling and sulking on the distance will definitely not help you ease the pain of missing him. Distance is a very frustrating fact of reality whenever you feel like touching, holding and feeling that person and the least you can do is grab a pillow and hold it too tight. Hoping and wishing you’d feel that familiar warmth. So instead, we try to stay away from that line of thinking just to keep our sanity.

We long and ache some more when the person we love is either sick or down or is feeling that same ugly feeling you do, and you feel ready to swim the ocean just to be near him. Climb on the mountains just to be half way to where he is. So instead, we close our eyes and dream. If wishes are true…we’d be holding each other in a blink of an eye.

Then we realize how hard it is and painful could be an understatement. But love is there shouting and striking both your very hearts, so you have to deal with it and deal with it good! So instead, we try to meditate on the other avenue of thought. We dwell more on the feelings, on love and of trust that LOYALTY and FAITHFULNESS are being pledged in the absence of physical nearness. With every beat of your heart is a faint sound, an echo of a heart beat with love all around, The message is simple as it calls out to YOU…”The love will be there forever…our whole lives thru…

“ We may be 8000 miles away from the one we love but hang on and keep loving, keep fighting, let the LOVE echoes from our hearts and be heard…8000 miles away.