Its not everyday that I can reconnect myself into the past. I sometimes think I'm too busy to walk back on that avenue, too busy? too afraid? too tired? I thought that i've gotten way past that thunderstorm, but in the faded glow of the night's light returns all of my fears...all of my hurts. Then i know its not over yet.
Its never been easy to be a secretive one but I figured its a lot better than being on a complicated one, isn't it? Why do I have this tendency to hide and let the tide take things in stride-- on my expense? Because I hate complications-- afraid of making it difficult and worse. I've never been an attention grabber as far as my memory can recall, so I certainly don't want to be put on that spotlight where people can dissect everything in me and make their every conclusion look scientific and real. Should i put my broken heart on the line along with my damaged self esteem? or stay calm and bleed inside knowing that SOMEONE up there never sleeps?
Somebody told me I'm smart and even strong, am I? She said she's proud that I'm happy and fulfilled, could I ever be? I don't think that I'm half as smart as I was when I was a toddler and strong can be synonymous to the word pretending. I'm happy yes I am! because I chose to be that way. Fulfilled because I'm still breathing and being given the chance to continue doing just like that-- breathe.
More than that I owe it to my Savior that I was able to go this far and have this much in life. The pain, bruises and lessons I was trained to endure along with all my joys, happiness and success that I enjoyed whole heartedly... all of it! is what makes me the person I am today. Perfection is way too much to describe me nor my life and challenges have become a regular thing to me. I may not be completely healed--yet, but i know I'm getting there. In the faded glow of the night's light... in the light cast by the lamp... I'd be able to look back and say " its finally over " as i get way past-- the twilight of my journey.
Its never been easy to be a secretive one but I figured its a lot better than being on a complicated one, isn't it? Why do I have this tendency to hide and let the tide take things in stride-- on my expense? Because I hate complications-- afraid of making it difficult and worse. I've never been an attention grabber as far as my memory can recall, so I certainly don't want to be put on that spotlight where people can dissect everything in me and make their every conclusion look scientific and real. Should i put my broken heart on the line along with my damaged self esteem? or stay calm and bleed inside knowing that SOMEONE up there never sleeps?
Somebody told me I'm smart and even strong, am I? She said she's proud that I'm happy and fulfilled, could I ever be? I don't think that I'm half as smart as I was when I was a toddler and strong can be synonymous to the word pretending. I'm happy yes I am! because I chose to be that way. Fulfilled because I'm still breathing and being given the chance to continue doing just like that-- breathe.
More than that I owe it to my Savior that I was able to go this far and have this much in life. The pain, bruises and lessons I was trained to endure along with all my joys, happiness and success that I enjoyed whole heartedly... all of it! is what makes me the person I am today. Perfection is way too much to describe me nor my life and challenges have become a regular thing to me. I may not be completely healed--yet, but i know I'm getting there. In the faded glow of the night's light... in the light cast by the lamp... I'd be able to look back and say " its finally over " as i get way past-- the twilight of my journey.
